


Repercussions

by juniperberry



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Break Up, Multi, Non-Canon Relationship, Polyamory Negotiations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-24
Updated: 2018-09-24
Packaged: 2019-07-16 08:59:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16082819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juniperberry/pseuds/juniperberry
Summary: "Are not," she accused. "You're gone and Buffy's a wreck and it's all my fault and we can't get married if you're not here.""I'll be back," Giles said. "When you're broken.""Maybe we'll be ripe then," Xander said, and kissed her forehead. Willow bolted to her feet----and nearly fell completely out of bed. The sun in the windows was only a glow, and the alarm clock blinked a completely obscene hour at her from the end table."Dream two hundred and three," Willow said quietly, and rolled over to stuff her head under a pillow.





	Repercussions

i.  
Xander shook himself awake. That was the fourteenth dream he'd had in the past three weeks that involved one or more of his three best friends and noticably absent of his quirky, orgasm-loving girlfriend. It was the fourth to feature all four of them, including himself, and the eighth to include his best guy-friend around, which was all kinds of freaky.

What was even more freaky was the way he never minded, in the dream or right after, as soon as he swam into the day. It felt right, it felt true, and ever since that day in the Initiative he'd been feeling odd and wrong and just a little off. Ever since that failed, creepy movie night--which, if he counted it, would be the start of the weird dreams.

He pulled himself up and stared around at his little basement abode, with leaky pipes and insufficient insulation from his parents' sodden fights, and felt distinctly alone.

One thing was certain, though he dreaded to contemplate it: he'd have to break up with Anya at this rate. She deserved someone who thought about her, and he was finding his thoughts frequently turned to everyone but Anya.

Hopefully he'd be able to keep his penis.

***  
ii.

Riley left. Riley had just left, and all Buffy could do was scream into the wind. She wrapped her arms around herself and slowly walked back to the Magic Box, trying not to feel so cold.

Part of her, traitorous, whispered that she was well rid of him. He never researched with Giles, he didn't know how to time his help the way Xander did, he had no interest in magic like Willow or Tara. He wanted to be by her side, but he wanted her to need him, and she didn't; she had just wanted him there, and that hadn't been nearly enough.

The rest of her ached and felt the first stirrings of grief.

Xander was leaning against the back door when she trudged up. He stood up straight.

"It didn't go well?"

Buffy laughed a little, raw and sharp. "He couldn't hear me over the helicopter," she said, and sniffled. Xander's shoulders slumped; he had been the one encouraging her to go for it, and here she was, Buffy of the Slain Relationship once again.

"I'm sorry," Xander said. She shrugged. There was only so much she could do with the sympathy of others, after all.

"I think I'll just head home," she said. "You know, check on Mom, make sure Dawn is tucked in, cry into my pillow, all that."

Xander fell into step beside her as she went. "I'll walk you home," he said.

Buffy glanced at him. "Being all Mr. Protecter Guy?"

"Being all best-friend guy," he said. "I'll tell Willow, if you want, and when you're ready we'll have a night of ice cream and sappy chick movies. I won't even complain about them too much."

Buffy sniffled and rubbed a couple of tears off her cheek. "Sounds like a next-week thing," she said. "Maybe we can convince Giles to come."

Xander nodded. "He might object at first, but I'll tell him it's a best-friend duty, to be there and help you eat lots of chocolate."

Buffy couldn't laugh. Not yet. Riley leaving was an open wound, and Xander was already talking about the beginnings of it closing over.

So was she.

She shook herself a little. Xander was quiet beside her, and she was thankful that he'd learned when it was good to joke and goof and when it was best for silence.

She'd have dreams tonight. They had started after the Initiative, dreams starring her best friends in ways she wasn't really comfortable with when she looked too closely, but she would have them tonight. Riley was gone and there was only her.

"Thanks," she said, when Xander turned to walk down the porch steps. "You guys are the best, you know that?"

Xander gave her a big smile. "We're on your team," he said, "and you are the best. Of course the rest of us are awesome."

That startled a small laugh, and she went inside where she could cry and grieve and wallow until the pain started to lessen a little bit.

***  
iii.

Willow sat down at the table with her laptop and a cup of herbal tea to settle her nerves. The magic, the power, was all around and inside her, thrumming, but she pushed aside the awareness of it and did her best to focus on her laptop.

Her hands shook a little on the keys. She took a deep breath and tried to focus on the screen, but it was wobbly and the words didn't make sense.

"Hey, it's Willow," Xander said from the doorway. He was wearing a nice James-Bond-y type tux, and even with a little extra Xander to love, he looked good.

"Why are you wearing a tux?" she asked, and Xander waltzed into the room. Buffy followed, in a sapphire blue gown that plunged in all the right places and had a high slit in the leg.

"Willow," Buffy said, "you're not dressed! The recital is tonight!"

"Recital?"

Xander grabbed her hand. "Come on," he said, "you need to get dressed."

"But I can't," she said, certainty filling her. "I can't go on, Giles isn't here, he left us!"

"Sure you can," Buffy said, waving away her concern with one hand, clad in a lacy blue glove. "Tara and Anya will help you get dressed."

They all piled through the basement door, and Willow found herself in a dressing room, wearing a terrycloth robe belted at the waist. Anya and Tara were there, in searing green gowns repleat with ruffles and gauzy sleeves.

"Oh, you're here," Tara said. Willow took her hand.

"Tara, I'm so sorry," she said, her throat tight. "So sorry about everything--"

"Shh," Tara said, and gave her a small, gentle smile. "It's all past."

"Well, come on," Anya said, impatient. "You have to get dressed. You have to get ready."

"Ready for what?" Willow asked, and looked to Tara for advice.

"Your wedding," Tara said. "We're bridesmaids."

"But--but I'm gay. And it's not legal. It should be legal. But it isn't." Anya whipped off the robe and Willow found herself wearing, as she expected, a pale green gown with long sleeves and lace leaves on the skirt. "Are you sure it's not a civil union?"

Tara gave her that same small, sad smile. "A joining," she said.

"But--I love you, Tara. Don't--don't you love me?"

Tara turned around and looked over her shoulder, down a long, dark hallway. "I've come and gone," she said. "We'll always hold parts of each other. But you have to go. They're waiting for you."

"They...?"

"We're very happy for you," Anya said, and there was Jonathan, dressed in an emerald green tuxedo, a Munchkin brought to life. "We're going to be dancing."

"You need to go now," Tara said, and pushed Willow towards the hallway. "You'll be late, otherwise."

"But--but what about Miss Kitty Fantastico? What--what'll happen to her?"

"She's visiting relatives," Tara said. "She sends her best."

Willow stumbled down the hall. It was a corridor at Sunnydale High, before it got all blown-up. She saw Amy leaning against a locker, dressed in a sparkly halter top, long guazy pants and eating a wedge of cheese. Harmony was combing her hair and peering into a mirror that reflected only the wall behind her. Larry walked past her, decked out in an evening gown that was too small for his wide football formed muscles, a feather boa wound around his neck and trailing behind him.

"There you are," Sam said, and Willow found herself grabbed again. "You're really running late."

"I can't be," Willow said. "I'm right on time."

"No, you're not," Sam said. She was wearing the commando fatigues Willow had last seen her in, but her hair was loose and drifting in the breeze.

Sam led her to the door of the library, the old, familiar library. Oz waited there, in a black-and-white tuxedo belted with his usual flannel shirt.

"Hey, babe," he said, and kissed her cheek.

"Are we getting married?"

He shook his head. "We're past and gone," he said. His hands were warm. "But I'm your best man, always."

"Who's giving me away?"

"I am," said the Mayor, bright and jovial as if he'd never turned into a giant Snyder-eating snake demon. "Your parents are appalled at your decision, by the way. They think you're giving into the dominant paradigm and patriarchal rule by doing this."

"But--it's a pagan wedding. We've even got a priestess."

"It's still kind of square," Sam said, and pushed the doors open.

They were in a meadow. Oz was across the aisle from Xander and Giles, who were both wearing tuxedos. Dawn was wearing a green bridesmaid dress with a big yellow sunhat, and waving frantically at Willow. Willow looked down and saw saddleshoes, white tights, and one of the long jean jumpers her mother had always thought were the height of highschool fashion. Her long red hair tickled her elbow through her white blouse.

"Aren't you excited?" Buffy asked, as she grabbed on to Willow's hand. She was wearing a sleeveless dress and hiking boots. "We're getting married!"

"To who?"

"Xander and Giles and each other, silly," Buffy said, and kissed her cheek. "Angel's giving me away, can you believe it?"

"He is?" Willow asked, and then they were there, in front of Xander and Giles and Oz and Cordelia, who was wearing stylish white robes and a coronet decorated with a crescent moon.

"Giles isn't here," Willow said, and shook her head. "He left us."

"I'm never away," Giles said, and held her hand. "I'm always here, Willow."

"Are not," she accused. "You're gone and Buffy's a wreck and it's all my fault and we can't get married if you're not here."

"I'll be back," Giles said. "When you're broken."

"Maybe we'll be ripe then," Xander said, and kissed her forehead. Willow bolted to her feet--

\--and nearly fell completely out of bed. The sun in the windows was only a glow, and the alarm clock blinked a completely obscene hour at her from the end table.

"Dream two hundred and three," Willow said quietly, and rolled over to stuff her head under a pillow.

***  
iv.

Faith, of all people, was driving the bus at breakneck speeds down the highway. Giles held on for dear life, watching the others gathered in the bus seats. Rona had, thankfully, begun breathing a bit more regularly, and Vi held onto her hand as though both their lives depended on it. Some of the other Slayers--and oh, how odd to have to apply that title to so many--were watching over Robin. Dawn had fallen asleep in a corner, drooling a little on Xander's shoulder, and Andrew was obviously still in shock, since he was quiet. Giles suspected that would end, more's the pity, and that they would soon have to fend off tales of the fantastic warrior women and the monsters that they defeated.

Giles made his way back to where Xander was sitting. Buffy was sitting in the seat just ahead of her friend and little sister, and Willow was in the other corner, having a quietly fierce conversation with Kennedy. Giles was reluctant to intrude, and there was no space left beside Xander. He looked at Buffy.

"May I sit down?"

She looked up at him with a measuring, distrustful look. "We need to talk," she said at last. He swallowed and nodded slowly. He'd expected this.

"Of course."

"I still haven't forgiven you," she added, even as she scooted closer to the window. Giles caught Xander's eye, and saw sympathy. He looked back at Buffy and gingerly took his seat.

"I didn't expect that you had," he said. And he hadn't, at all. For all his reasons, which he still, even now, felt were valid and real, he knew that his complictness in Wood's plan had hurt her--the idea that he would kill a friend behind her back.

He didn't blame her. He didn't expect her forgivness.

Broken things needed time to mend, and they were just beginning.

"So," he said. "Shopping?"

She blinked, then smiled wearily. "Shopping," she said. "All new wardrobe, you know."

"What about minature golf?"

"That can wait," she said, tired and cool. Now that the imminent danger had passed, she had lost what little warmth she had shown right before they had split up inside the new Sunnydale High.

"Hey," Xander said suddenly, and leaned forward. "We haven't had much of a chance to talk, big guy. I've got a few questions."

Giles adjusted himself in his seat, to look Xander in his single brown eye. It still stung, to think that the black eyepatch was not temporary; that it was not a passing occurence.

"Such as?"

Xander shrugged. "Any good movies playing in England?"

"I honestly wouldn't know, Xander," Giles said.

"Any good dreams lately?"

Giles caught an uneasy look on Buffy's face, and glanced at Xander, who was watching both of them intently.

"I'm afraid I'm not sure what you're asking."

Xander didn't look away. "Dreams, Giles," he said. "We've all got them. Ones that maybe make us embarrassed or uncomfortable. Or really weird ones, like one where we all have to be on time for a wedding."

Giles could only hope nothing showed on his face. "I rarely remember my dreams, Xander."

"Maybe that's the problem," Xander said. "We can talk about that later, though. When it's just the four of us." He sat back, tilted his head against the wall, and closed his eye, obviously intending to nap until Faith either stopped or crashed the bus, whichever came first.

Giles shared an uneasy look with Buffy, the first bit of comraderie since Sunnydale became a crater, and then settled down to watch the road pass by.

It did so remarkably slowly.

***

The hotel was dingy and probably infested with rats, but it was cheap enough that Giles could cover all of them with his credit card. Wood and Rona were both ensconced in the local hospital, along with the other Slayers who had been severely injured.

"Okay," Buffy said, as she took a seat on one of the beds. Xander settled himself on the other twin bed, and Willow sat next to him. Giles didn't like the look of the single ratty chair, so he stood.

"What's all this about, Xander?" Buffy asked, her voice brisk and battle weary. Xander eyed her.

"I'm not one-hundred percent sure of this," he said. "I'm not a witch or a Watcher, and the idea of researching anything gives me a headache." He swallowed hard and rubbed his hands on his thighs. "But things haven't ever really been right since the Initiative. Specifically, since we did that spell."

Giles shifted a little bit. He'd felt something--missing--but he had brushed it off, hidden it away. It wasn't important.

"You know how I broke up with Anya right after, right?" Xander asked. Buffy nodded. Willow just watched.

"I broke up with her because I was having these dreams." Xander finally looked away from them, and Giles felt a pressure ease in his chest, just by a fraction. "They felt--they feel--so right and...true. And when I woke up, I'd realize that being with Anya didn't feel that way. We'd both tried, but it never felt exactly right. It wasn't fair to her. So I broke it off."

"So you broke up with Anya because of some dreams?" Willow said, her eyebrows raised. "Xander...that's...."

"Crazy?" He shrugged. "I thought so, too, but the feelings never went away." He looked around at the three of them, and said, "I don't think it's just me having these dreams, either."

Giles looked at Willow and Buffy, and saw some of his own feelings reflected in their eyes. He felt his heart give an unpleasant thump.

"I-I'm sure none-none of us know what you're ta-talking about," he said, and pulled off his glasses. He was patting his pockets for a hankerchief, and cursed when he realized he'd lost the only one he took with him to the Hellmouth.

"See, that's the thing," Xander said. "I think you do. I think we all know something isn't right, but we don't know how to fix it." He glanced at Buffy and at Willow. He sighed. "I'm going to have to lay it all out, aren't I?"

Buffy huffed a sigh. "Xander," she said, "can we wrap this all up? I'm tired. I want to go to bed."

He stared at her. "We'll wrap it up when it's all done," he said, his voice firm. "Here's the thing. I broke up with Anya because I'm in love with you." He looked away from Buffy's stunned face and glanced at Willow and Giles. "All of you."

"That's...." Buffy shook her head. "Xander, you can't. You got over this in high school, didn't you?"

"Yeah," he said. "I did. And then the whole enjoining spell happened. And then the dreams. And I figured out the difference between loving someone as a friend and loving them as more than that." He shook his head. "Didn't you ever wonder why I never really dated much after Anya?"

Buffy shifted a little on the bed. Given the last two years, Giles would be astonished if she had; he honestly hadn't, not since he first left Sunnydale.

"If you've been in love with us," Buffy said, "why were you so hellbent on making me talk to Riley? Why were you so supportive of Willow and Tara?"

Xander looked at her, and said, "I wanted you to be happy." He ran a hand through his hair. "I remember getting shot down, Buff," he said. "I knew I could love you all my life and to you we'd always be friends. And I made my peace with that."

"Oh yeah," she said. "You were real peaceful when you found out about me and Spike."

Xander looked down. "I don't want to have this argument," he said, quietly. "I just want to know if you all have been having the dreams I'm talking about, with one or all of us in them."

"Dreams," Buffy scoffed, standing. She was trembling.

"I've had them, too," Willow said, her voice nearly a whisper. Xander glanced at her, startled, and then up at Buffy's disbelieving laugh.

"Oh, come on," she said, but her voice was strained. "You can't really be buying this, Will? Xander's just trying a very weird, very stupid plan to get us all back to happy happy friends again."

Willow gave Buffy a flat look. "I've had three hundred and forty-six dreams since the Initiative went down," she said. "Those are just the ones I know involved us." She leaned a little closer to Xander. "I remember a little bit about one of them. We were all getting married, but I was late, and Giles had gone to-to England but he was there for the wedding." She looked over at him, her eyes dark and sad. "I was so angry with you for leaving."

Giles had replaced his glasses, since he had no hankercheif. Her eyes made him take them off again, while his mind--already tired and battered--tried to think logically about the whole thing.

He had had dreams, which he had quickly squashed and done his best to forget. He didn't need the complications the dreams wanted him to have, and he had a store and a Slayer to look after, after all. So he did his best to ignore it all, to work and talk and be with them as though nothing was going on.

Of all of them, he thought perhaps he and Willow were the least surprised. If what Xander was suggesting was true--that none of them would be truly happy without each other, that they had to reforge connections rather than stretch and break them--then it explained a great deal. It was also a huge, frightening thing, and he could understand Buffy's reluctance to even give it voice.

"It makes sense," he said, quietly, and bore Buffy's angry, betrayed look. "If there was something--some other, emotional consequence of the enjoining spell, Xander would logically be the one to-to connect with it." Buffy opened her mouth, and Giles said gently "He was the heart," which made her close it again.

Buffy swallowed hard enough that they could all see it. "So what?" she said, weariness in her voice. "What do you want me to do about it?"

Xander looked lost for the first time since he'd sat down. "Buff," he said, "I just want us to get to a place where we're not hating each other's guts." He rubbed a hand across his face. "I hate the feeling that we're all flying apart."

Buffy's lip quivered. Willow stood up and touched her arms where they were folded tightly over her chest.

"What are you so scared of?" Willow said, and the dam broke.

"You," she said. "All of you. You--you don't trust my judgement, you don't know what it's like to hold all this power and responsibility and--and know that it's-it's all on you--"

"I've got an idea," Xander said, and when Buffy glared at him he glared back. "Who led the troops in fighting the Mayor? Who talked half our classmates into it? Who talked to the Potentials about going into battle? You aren't the only one carrying guilt, Buffy."

"Nor should you be," Giles said, quietly. She glared at him, and he met her gaze. "I realize you've been under a--a great deal of stress--"

"Understatement," Buffy said sharply. "You all--you don't know, the responsibility--"

"You don't think we do?" Willow challenged, her eyes flashing. "I've been dealing with the fact that I killed someone, Buffy, and at the time, there was no remorse. Hell, I'd probably do it again if he were still alive and hurt someone I care about. I have all this power, and I can't get rid of it, and I have to know how to weild it or it'll destroy me and-and everyone. You think I don't know responsibiltiy? You think I don't get it?"

"You don't--you can't--"

"You told me," Giles said, gently, "that you only thought that Spike was the one who would hold your back."

"And I was right!" She whirled on him, and didn't see the looks that passed over Willow and Xander's faces. "You all are dragging me into this stupid fight, right after we've saved the world, and you expect me to be happy about it?"

"What I'm saying," Giles said, slowly so as not to lose his temper, "is that you've walled yourself off from us, Buffy. How can we watch your back if you don't tell us what to watch for?"

"You don't--you've never--"

"Never what? Killed to protect the world?" He was so tired of this, so sick of it. "I killed Randall. I killed Ben." He held her eyes at that; she had never known. "You wonder why I did what I did when it came to Spike. I didn't have the trust in him that you did, that you never tried to explain to us. All I saw was someone the First could use to kill us in our beds, and the last thing we needed was that. And if you couldn't do it, I gladly would have!"

Buffy stared at him. Willow sat on the bed, and Xander wrapped an arm around her. Giles pulled off his glasses and rubbed his eyes.

"I took a vow," he said. "I will protect this stupid, stupid planet and all its stupid, stupid people, even if I have to do unpleasant, distasteful things. And I'm sorry if that doesn't line up with your new friends or new views on life, which you've never bothered to explain to us." He looked at her again. "I realize that you're the Slayer. But you've never been alone, except when you chose to be so. I have made so many mistakes, Buffy, and I can never make up for all of them. But I dearly wish you would understand that you haven't been alone, truly, since you stepped into Sunnydale."

She looked away from him. "You left."

"I did." It was his turn to study the fraying, burgundy and avocado carpet. "And I can never make up for the hurt that caused all of you. I was trying to do the right thing for you, and I bollocksed it up. I am sorry for that, but there's nothing I can do but apologize and try to move forward."

Xander spoke up, his voice cautious and hesitant. "You've always been the strongest and most forgiving person I know, Buff," he said. "You forgave Will and me when we dragged you back here. I think that's a whole lot bigger than making a mistake with the intention of saving the world."

"Stay out of it," Buffy said, but they could all hear the tears behind her voice.

"No," he said, but kindly. "I've been in it since the day you came to Sunnydale, Buffy. Me and Willow both. We've done stupid, hurtful things to each other, all of us, but if you can look me in the eye and tell me we don't love you, I'll have to break that rule of mine to never hit a woman, especially one who can rip out my ribcage with one hand."

Buffy laughed, small and choked, and her eyes were running over with tears. "No fair," she said, but she didn't resist when Willow stood up and hugged her. "I've just felt so far away," she said, lowly.

"I know," Giles said, and she looked at him. "You're not the only one who has felt that way, Buffy."

She nodded, and leaned into Willow. Giles, suddenly exhausted, moved to sit next to Xander. Things between him and Buffy were probably far from healed, but perhaps they were healing, a little. At least the wounds were being lanced--painful, but necessary.

"So," Xander said. "About those dreams."

Silence fell for nearly a whole minute. Buffy sniffled.

"I've had them," she said. "I just--didn't want to think about them. They wanted to change everything, and I could barely make it as it was."

Xander turned his eye to Giles, and Giles shifted a little on the creaky bed. "All right," he sighed. "Me as well."

Xander nodded, as though he'd known all along. "Okay then," he said. "Here's what we do." He held up a hand. "We don't stop talking to each other. We try to respect each other's feelings without being dishonest. We do our best to stay in touch, no matter where we are or what happens."

"More hugs," Willow said. "I've missed being hugged and getting hugged. And Giles didn't get any hugs when he first came back, so we didn't know that he was all corporeal and everything."

"Hugs are totally important," Xander said. "And hanging out."

"Pizza night," Willow said. "Movies and pizza and popcorn."

Giles leaned back to watch them, throwing around silly suggestions as though they were still children hiding in the library. He felt his eyes droop.

"I think it's time for sleep," Willow said. Giles pulled himself awake, to find Xander leaning over him--he had sunk back on the bed, exhaustion finally pulling him down. Xander curled up next to him and pillowed his head on Giles' shoulder.

"Oh yeah," Xander said. "Comfy. And perfect."

"Your legs are hanging off the bed," Willow said, but she was smiling. "Ooh! I call Xander cuddles." She did, too, as she climbed up onto the bed and settled next to her best friend. "Mmm, Xander cuddles."

Buffy was still standing, but Giles could see the pensive look on her face. "So, are we going to talk more about Xander's polyamorous attentions?"

"Later," Xander said. "I mean, I don't think it's just me, anyway."

"Really." Her voice was dry.

"Nah. But, the way I look at it, we just saved the world. We're the Scoobies. And hey, I've waited three years to say anything. I think we can wait on things like dates and 'where is our relationship going' talks."

"Mmm," Willow said. "I second that. Any analysing of feelings can wait for tomorrow. Or maybe next week."

"Next month," Giles said. Buffy sat next to him and he turned his head to look at her.

"This space taken?" she asked. He gave her a weary smile and shook his head. She curled up next to him, and took Xander's hand across his stomach.

"This doesn't fix everything," she said, and he smiled.

"I would be a bigger fool than I already am to believe that it would," he said, and she let him wrap his free arm around her shoulders before they fell asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote this about eight years ago, and if I wrote it today I would probably change a few things--most notably, the first section with Xander deciding to break up with Anya. I don't dislike Anya, but I've never really bought their relationship (outside of season five, anyway). Maybe I'll come back to this and rewrite that particular bit.
> 
> I'm a fan of the core four as a polyamorous group, but that ship is so tiny as to be microscopic in this fandom, which is to be expected, really. Anyway, on a re-read this didn't suck as much as I thought it did, so I'm posting it. Hope you liked it!


End file.
